Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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