I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
