I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
