I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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