Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
