New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
