Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
