You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
