babies were throwing up all over the place
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
