sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
