i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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