I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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