Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
