I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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