where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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