The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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