You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
