I wish I only lived at night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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