Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
