do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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