brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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