That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
