I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
