I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
