My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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