Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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