I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
