He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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