i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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