Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
