I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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