please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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