i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
