I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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