It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
