the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
