My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
