What did we do last night that was yellow?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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