If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
