I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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