so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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