you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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