Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
