It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
