you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
