is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
