M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
