WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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