either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
