Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
