i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
